Rapture

Pavo was swinging on his trapeze, backlighted by the early evening sun streaming through the stained glass window.  The yellow flower behind him made it appear as if he had a halo around his head and he looked positively angelic as he spoke.  “A couple weeks ago you taught me more about sin than I really wanted to know Big Guy.  But after watching the news on TV for a few days I want to know why you’re still here?”

“What’s your point Pavo?  What am I missing?”

“Don’t you watch the news?  It was all over the place.  Those who are without sin have already left us.  Been raptured off to the heavens, or something like that.  All this time I thought you were the leader of that privileged sinless class.  You are pretty virtuous, you know.  But you’re still here.”

”Sorry Pavo.   But all that rapture stuff turned out to be a hoax.  That’s last week’s news.”

Pavo chuckled.  “But you should have asked and I could have told you that BG.  Would’ve saved you a ton of stress.  Have you forgotten about how I connect the dots?”

“I remember Pavo.  But my soul mate told me this morning that you were really worried when you couldn’t find me last Saturday.”

“True BG.  You did give me a big scare, you know.  Actually had me doubting my own clairvoyance powers.”

“You needn’t be worried Pavo, your powers are well documented.”

“But it’s true about my concern for your well being last week.  I was flying around the house last Saturday morning but when I flew into your bedroom, all I saw near the bed were your track suit, your socks and your jogging shoes.  I thought you had been stripped down and raptured out of your socks and that I had missed the occasion.”

“Pavo, I think you forgot that I go exercise classes at the YMCA on Saturday morning.  It’s my day to learn how to stay trim and lose weight.”

“Um, sorry BG.  But your YMCA visits don’t seem to be working for you.  You still look like a bag of onions.”

“But I’m making good progress since I partnered with William.”

“Who’s William?”

“William is my personal trainer.  Tells me what to do, how to do it and how often to do it.  I need someone like him because the exercise machines are so complicated.  Part of my exercise routine is just turning them on and off.

“What gives you the idea that William is the right guy for you?”

“He has incentives.”

“Incentives?  What does that mean?”

“When you and I discussed sin recently we should also have talked about greed.”

“Why, is greed bad?  Do they know this on Wall Street?”

“In William’s case, greed is imperative.”

“Whoa Big Guy!  You, a liberal’s liberal sees greed as an imperative?”

“Not me Pavo.  William.  Let me give you the background.”

“Please do.  You’re toying with my belief system here BG.”

“William comes from a very wealthy family.  Worth a gazillion dollars in today’s inflated monetary system.  But he has no control over it.  In fact he lives on a small retainer supplied by his Auntie Grace who holds the purse strings.”

“Doesn’t the name Grace imply mercy, kindness and refinement?”

“Yes.  But her middle name is Penny, short for Penurious I think.”

“Oh!  I can see how that might raise a conflict.”

“Grace, who is getting along in years, had drawn up a will that had all her money going to a local cat shelter.”

Pavo unexpectedly sprang to life,  “Oh no!  Not cats!  I can’t think of a more reckless prospect.  I can’t imagine saving creatures like Phallix.  This is devastating.”

“Don’t jump the gun Pavo.  Wait until you’ve heard the whole story.”

“I’m waiting,’ he said, his voice strained and rasping.

“When William complained to Grace, – pleaded actually, – she promised to change her bequest.  She also liked young men Christians so she decided that the YMCA would be a proper beneficiary.  But she added a twist.  William and the YMCA would split the bequest only if William enrolled in an exercise class at the Y and started to lose weight.  If he failed, neither would get rewarded and the cat shelter would get the estate.”

“Was there anything that prevented William from backsliding later and ending up like a second incarnation of the Goodyear blimp?”

“Nope.  Only that a chart of his progress would be kept to establish his claim.”

“But that could be faked.”

“Nope.  Has to be notarized independently each week.”

“And how long does this go on?”

“Until Grace gets raptured up to heaven.”

“Do you think you could get a share by getting into Grace’s good graces BG?”

“Unfortunately, I’m dealing with a truth that’s bigger than I am Pavo.”

“And that is . . . ?”

“When there’s a will there’s a way and when there’s a Will, there’s a weigh.”

“But that sounds redundant.”

“True Pavo.  But it’s an absolute truth that’s only as good as it’s spelling”.

Advertisements

About D. B. Guy

ex-traveler, ex-Navy vet, ex-depression baby, long time retiree, current lounge chair occupant, husband, grandfather, computer novice-junkie, man-about-town(ret.), jolly good fellow
This entry was posted in My Pal Pavo. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Rapture

  1. Jean says:

    Dear Mr. Guy,

    Your conversation with Pavo took on a weighty tone this time about the Rapture. It is indeed a serious subject for some people. I’m glad you are taking positive steps to improve your health. However, from my own experience, after paying a hefty fee for a 6 months membership once with Nautilus and working out faithfully, I didn’t lose an ounce. The only thing I did learn was to really, really, really despise those machines!

    It seems to me that William is a nice young man who surely needs to get out from under the thumb of his Auntie Grace. I guess she does realize though that she can’t take all her money with her. It would weigh her down and prevent her from being levitated upward. I know the cats at the shelter would be ever so grateful for nine lifetimes of Fancy Feast. Of course, that might mean that Phallix might desert you in favor of the shelter. Cats have no loyalty.

    Count on Pavo to keep you informed by his doodoo readings and predictions on when the next Rapture will occur. In case neither William nor you have been able to shed enough weight in time, here is a tip that might help you. You can go ahead and sin all you want to in the meantime. From my old chemistry classes, I learned all about inert gases that are lighter than air. As the time approaches, you can inhale quite a bit of helium. Then, like a birthday balloon, you will float easily upward along with all the sinless folk. The helium will turn your voices in to sopranos and you can join in with the choir of angels up there – – – at least temporarily.

    Aloha!

    Jean

    • D. B. Guy says:

      I asked Pavo when the next rapture will take place and he reminded me once again that he doesn’t do numbers. But he predicts that it will come when we least expect it and that it will be individuals rather than masses of humanity that get raptured.

      Whenever Pavo dodges a question this way I’m tempted to leave the door of his cage open when Phallix the cat is lounging about the room. But the idea that my valued oracle may become someone’s lunch brings back my forgiveness instincts

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s