Clairvoyance


I started to walk into the family room to watch some TV only to find the lights off and a single votive candle burning on a side table near Pavo’s cage.  I flipped on the light switch and all hell broke loose.

“No!  No! No!” I heard Pavo cry.  “No lights!  No lights Big Guy! You’re killing the spell!”

“Spell? What are you talking about? What spell?”

“I’m clairvoyancing the future for Mrs. Big Guy.  She asked me for some lottery information and I was just about to conjure it up when you barged in here.”

“Wait a minute Pavo.  You’re not making up numbers for Chinese fortune cookies again are you?   I’ve tried a few of those and come up short every time.”

“That’s not the way it works Big Guy.  I just predetermine the overview not the details.  I don’t do numbers.”

“Come on Pavo.  Why should anyone believe that?”

“Easy Big Guy.  I read doodoo dots on the bottom of my cage.  You know how fortune-tellers read tea leaves?  Well I have the same power, only I use the dots on the paper lining the bottom of my cage. I have an impeccable track record.  It’s proven.  It’s accurate. And you can give it a try if you are interested”

I narrowed my eyes and squinted at him but I think he took that as a look of disapproval.

“You don’t seem to favor the idea BG.”

“If it works Pavo, who am I to question?  But I’m sure that the nature of the results will be consistent with the source.”

This was the first time since I rescued him that I had an opportunity to question the extraordinary powers he claimed to have.  So I decided to give it a shot and test him a little bit more.

“Okay Pavo.  Here’s the deal.  What is the winning number combination for the Mega Mammoth Lottery drawing tonight?”

“No dice Big Guy.  You don’t understand the way the game is played.”

“Sure I do.  Match five numbers plus the Big Ball number and you win the whole jackpot.  Tonight’s pot is humungous.  It could have you rolling in luxury seed for the rest of your life.”

“I’m not talking about the lottery game Big Guy. It’s MY game you don’t understand.  You see, I’ve observed quite a few fortune tellers in my short life especially when I was riding with a traveling carnival during my recent cross-country tour.   Middle America, like Iowa or Nebraska, that’s where the best customers lived.  Yessir.  I have the gift.”

“Really?  How does this telepathic tell-all actually work?”

You can ask me any question you want Big Guy but I can only conjure up a generalized answer.  No names, dates, addresses or phone numbers.  If you ask me if you have won or lost, I can answer that.  But if your question is too specific and you want a definitive answer, I have to fudge and hedge a bit.  Otherwise, you wouldn’t have any faith in me.”

“Okay Pavo.  Here’s the deal.  I have a lottery ticket for tonight’s drawing for the Mega Mammoth Lottery.  Am I a winner or a loser?”

I thought I heard a brief chuckle, as if he had an opinion that might be contrary to mine.  “That’s the same question Mrs. Big Guy had already asked me when you broke up my meditation a few minutes ago.”

“Then you already have an answer?”

“No but I’ll do it all over again.  Your arrival on the scene crashed the earlier try.  But first douse the light. It kills the mood.”

He slid down the side of his cage and started scratching around on the bottom in the dim light.  He cocked his head, leaning first to one side, then to the other as he studied the dot patterns.  Finally, he bowed down and hid his head under his right wing.  Some muted mumbo jumbo came out but I couldn’t make out what he was saying.

He fluffed his wings, snapped up his head and stood erect but looked dazed as if coming out of a trance.

“Okay,” he said, “I have results you’ll like.  Yessir. You’re a winner.”

“Thank you. Thank you.  Thank you Pavo.  And for all your troubles, here’s some premium seed for you.  And enjoy yourself.  I’ll replace the bottom paper of your cage later.”

“Don’t be too quick Big Guy.  That’s sacred ground you’re tampering with.  It may still have a few more meaningful predictions left on it.”

Later that evening I could hardly wait for the lottery results.  I stayed up two hours past my usual bedtime, until eleven, settled down in my recliner and clicked the remote to get the local TV station carrying the results.  As usual, they were having trouble with the transmission and the results were delayed until the end of the newscast.  After wading through the local murder, mayhem and mutilation, and following the hyper gussied up weather report, the day’s stock market failings and the bone-headed banter between the talking hairdos, the lottery numbers were displayed on a crawl line at the bottom of the screen.

I couldn’t believe it.  Finally my perseverance was about to pay off.  But, as I studied the numbers, only the Big Ball agreed with the numbers on my ticket.  The rest weren’t even in the same neighborhood.  Because it was well past my bedtime I couldn’t wait for the correction so, the first thing in the morning, I hotfooted it down to Marty’s Smart Mart where I bought the ticket to confirm my winning numbers.

Marty was behind the counter.  He scanned the ticket and watched the computer screen.  “Yup,” he said, “you’re a winner.  But you gotta decide how you wanna get paid off?  You want the two bucks or do you want a couple candy bars?”

I took my Snickers Bar and a roll of Necco Wafers and headed home.  I decided that next time the choice would be between being a big winner or a little winner.

It makes a difference.

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About D. B. Guy

ex-traveler, ex-Navy vet, ex-depression baby, long time retiree, current lounge chair occupant, husband, grandfather, computer novice-junkie, man-about-town(ret.), jolly good fellow
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4 Responses to Clairvoyance

  1. spunky2 says:

    Love your cute and funny stories.

  2. A True Believer says:

    Mr. Guy.

    Why are you so skeptical about the clairvoyant talents of your little friend Pavo? Is it just regarding metaphysics in general or is it his particular aptitude for the paranormal? I would like to cite examples of the historical accuracy of such events as recorded in unimpeachable sources. Let’s start with the Biblical account of Jacob and how he correctly interpreted the Pharaoh’s dreams about climate change and global warming. This account is, after all, the absolute Word of God!

    Through the ages, instances of seers, mediums and mystics with their uncanny abilities to foresee the future are legion. The occult has always had a powerful influence in decision-making. Vide the Greek Oracles of Delphi, serenely contented people in a world of turmoil and chaos. Nostradamus (1503-1566) currently a staple of cable TV is referenced endlessly today, even though he lived more than 500 years ago.

    And can you deny that Rasputin, the Russian saintly ascetic “Starets” (Holy Man), was the power behind the throne of Czar Nicholas II of Russia? He predicted the downfall of the Romanov Dynasty in a detailed letter. His warnings were ignored and thus the scourge of Communism was ushered in that began spreading around the world. If Russia had heeded Rasputin’s advice, would Lenin have been able to gain a foothold? Without its initial seeming success in Russia, would China, North Korea, Vietnam, Cuba and other South American countries have followed suit? Possibly. Who knows? And where next?

    Of course we cannot forget Ronald Reagan, the President and Commander-in-Chief of the United States who ordered Mikhail Gorbachov to tear down the Berlin Wall. It fell! And Communism began to lose its grip on human thought.

    That brings us to our modern times. Have you forgotten the distinguished scholar, Timothy Leary? Or the celebrated actress and singer, Madonna, a fairly recent convert to the ancient practices of the Kabbalah? And can you ignore the many, many people who are utterly convinced that the Science of Statistics, especially as applied to political polls, is invincible?

    Perhaps you should not be so quick to dismiss the obviously gifted powers of Pavo. I feel it should be encouraged.

    • D. B. Guy says:

      Dear True Believer:

      I’m sorry that I don’t have all that history at my fingertips because I tend to focus mostly on the here and now rather than the past or the everafter. But I am not downgrading Pavo’s clairvoyant skills at all. I am simply disappointed that he is wasting his talents on trivia. After all, if he would just give me the Mega lottery numbers we could live in luxury for the rest of our normal lives. Is there anything more American than that?

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